The periodic blogger

Week 1 : The beginning of the Journey

2012-01-17T13:34:00.000+02:00

66.9 k'gs.
That's not too bad.
It puts my BMI at about average. But I think that BMI's are rubbish anyway. And it's all about how one feels about themselves.

My run last night changed into a jog before I even got home from work!! I took off on my jog which very quickly became a brisk walk, which then stayed as such. Did not swim as I just did a "test run" on my own last night to see how the timing worked out.

Weather permitting we will jog and swim tonight. Alternatively (if it rains) I'll just cycle on my stationery bike for about 10km's.

Loved it though. I'm a big fan of feeling good, and I sure did last night and am still feeling so today.

Update, Monday 23rd.

Losing weight - the hard way

2012-01-16T15:31:00.000+02:00

It's been nearly a year since I last blogged.
That's a bit awkward.
So, um, ya . . .
Moving swiftly on.

Since I hit 30 I've had a bit of a battle with my weight. I am by no means overweight, but simply not happy with the weight I am. It has nothing to do with BMI or ODI's or any other acronym. I simply do not fit into my clothes too well anymore. I also HATE my flabby belly. HATE IT.

So, last year I lost some weight by simply cutting out the sugary snacking (I love snacking - LOVE IT.) But I was still smoking then, so it was easy to replace the sweets with cigarettes.

I have since quit that filthy habit, and resumed the sugary snacking, and subsequently gained back the weight.

I don't currently know how much I used to weigh, how much weight I lost or how much I now weigh, but I feel it in my clothes!

So, I've been sincerely hoping not to gain all the weight back, but that did not work (just an FYI for anyone trying to lose weight - hope and prayer aren't enough, who knew?)

So my weakness for sugary snacks, plus my desire not to have to buy bigger pants (God help me) has led to only one conclusion . . . . I have to start exercising.
My biggest problem is that there are simply not enough hours in the day. I work from 7:30am to 5:00 pm, and often do not have time for a lunch break. I already get up at 5:00am on school days so there is simply no time before work. I have to get home to my Ciara after work, and I don't have enough time in the evenings to actually go to a gym. I do have time to exercise though.
Ciara and I are going to start running when I get home. From today. Eeek. I haven't run since high school. Eventually we will run and swim (in the indoor pool), but I don't think I am even going to make it to the pool (which is 1km from my house) today, or even this week in our allotted 45 mins. Eventually I want to be able to do the 1km run in about 10 minutes or less hopefully, so we have 20 minutes to swim as well.

I'm going to document weight loss (if any) with this endeavour. Not daily. That would be dumb. But weekly. Every Monday. After naughty, snacking, sugary weekends. Hopefully if I see it in writing I will stick to it / quit snacking (did I mention I LOVE snacking?).

I've also (from today) decided that I can no longer shove food into my face all day at work. Crises, I feel like I'm eating ALL THE TIME. So I had a small bunch of grapes, an apple, a nectarine and a peach to eat today, as well as my small bowl of Cheerios this morning. That's a decent amount of food, hey?

Okay, so since I did not weigh myself this morning, I will do it tonight before the run and post tomorrow.

Hopefully I do not perish tonight!!!

You just have to love . . .

2011-02-15T14:58:00.002+02:00

. . . the way my technologically challenged boss thinks that if you get an e-mail address almost right, it's fine, it will magically find it's way to the right person.

Awesome.

Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you badly.

2010-11-24T09:02:00.002+02:00

I do know that people have treated me badly in my life, but I've honestly forgotten most of it.

One thing that really changed my life though was my experience with "The Church" and "Christians".

I'll start off with a little disclaimer that I am a Christian and I worship God/Jesus and I believe that I am exponentially blessed. My experience with the Lord is personal, it's mine and I really don't feel like I have to justify it to anyone. But the worst experience I have ever had in my life has been with so called Christians. The type of "Christians" who only use the bible to sprout hate and intolerance. I won't go any further into this, as anyone who happens to read this will know of whom I speak.

When I fell pregnant with Ciara (out of wedlock), it was not planned. I was scared, and overwhelmed. When Ciara was born, I was told that I had to apologise to God or both she and I would go to hell.

My relationship with organised religion was tenuous at best at that time, and that was the straw that broke the camels back. Fuck 'em. I will NEVER apologise to ANYONE for the best thing that has ever happened to me.

I am still a Christian and I still love God, but I think that these people are the reason for the shortest sentence in the bible.

"Jesus Wept".

Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living

2010-11-18T09:04:00.002+02:00

Um, Ciara again. I'm starting to think that she is just going to be the answer to all the questions!! It's not that life was not worth living before she came along. But she is truly my greatest mistake.

I have loved people in my life, some more than others, but I have never felt the kind of all encompassing, completing, true, unconditional love that I have for that child.

She is everything to me.

Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.

2010-11-17T12:08:00.001+02:00

Lose Ciara, nuff said.

Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life

2010-11-16T10:30:00.002+02:00

I never actually realised how hard it would be to answer these questions!

At the risk of sounding cliched, I really just hope to always be happy.

I hope that my daughter grows up to be a good person. I hope that South Africa pulls itself together. I hope that my friends and family are all healthy and safe, and that I don't ever lose anyone close to me.

That would keep me happy.

Why

2010-11-16T10:24:00.002+02:00

So sometimes I pick up the bosses telephone extension, like when he is on his cell phone.
I then take a message and ask the caller "Where are you calling from?" I invariably get a suburb as an answer.

Really!?!?!? Are you calling on behalf of an entire suburb of Gauteng or the surrounding regions? What makes you think I have any interest in what suburb you are currently in? Since you are calling a business, on what I assume is a business call, would it not make FAR more sense to tell me what company you are calling from? And if it's a private call, simply say "It's a private call."

Sometimes when I make private calls I say, Hi this is Kerryn from Company X. Then I laugh and say "I guess you didn't really need to know that since it isn't relevant, ha, ha".

I must learn to be more specific and ask "From which company are you calling?"

Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.

2010-11-08T15:09:00.002+02:00

Erm, well yeah.

Hmmmmmmmmm, I think I've done all the forgiving I'm going to do about the past. I don't like to hold on to painful things, so I do tend to 'forgive' and let stuff go. The most difficult (by far) is forgiving my dad.

My mom left when I was only four, so I don't really remember having a dad in my life. And he never really made an effort to be an awesome dad. I love my dad, and I'm sure that he loves me. But we don't have anything in common, and he's really not all that interested in my life. I've let it go for the most part, but I'd be a liar if I said it didn't still hurt sometimes.
As a kid it wasn't my responsibility to form a relationship with him, and as an adult I've not really made any efforts, after all how do you make someone want a real relationship with you?

I see people around me with really spectacular relationships with their dads, and I'm very envious, and a little sad that I never had that.

I don't think that I can forgive him any further. I've forgiven as far as I am capable of doing. I've let go of the hurt as much as I can let go of the hurt. What's left just has to be dealt with *shrug*

Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.

2010-11-03T14:05:00.003+02:00

Hmmm, I don't generally hold grudges against anyone, least of all myself. I've pretty much forgiven myself for all the stupid shit I've ever done (and there was quite a lot :-)).

I suppose it would have to be for ending the relationship between Ciara's dad and myself. Don't get me wrong, I know I made the right decision for both Ciara and I, but when she started asking me questions about why we weren't together it really did make me feel quite guilty.

At the end of the day, it's all worked out for the best, but I suppose I still have a little residual guilt left over.

on another note altogether, I'm doing much better at this than I had initially envisaged. Every second or third day is WAY better than once or twice a month.

Day 02 → Something you love about yourself

2010-11-01T09:03:00.002+02:00

This is probably more difficult than the last one because there are just so many things (jk).

Hmmm, If I had to choose only thing, it would be my sense of humour. I love to laugh, and I love things that are funny.

I may not always be appropriate and sometimes I probably offend, but I laugh at the stupid things I do, so you can be pretty damn sure I'm going to laugh at the stupid things other people do too.

Other people may not love this about me as much as I do :-)

Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself

2010-10-29T09:12:00.002+02:00

Crises, there are a few things I don't like very much about myself, but only one or two I really hate.

If I had to pick one thing, I think it would be my nose. I've always hated my nose. It's a horrible nose. It does not fit my face. It is ski-rampy and too long. I'm going to get it fixed.

I know that's a pretty superficial thing, but my personality defects (har har), are things that I am really working on. I try to be more patient. I try not to be too judgemental. I try to let stuff go, even though I know I'm right. I work every day at being a better person. So those things I can't hate because they make me, me.

My nose is just an eyesore and it needs to go (not literally go, because that would just look weird.)

Thirty Days of Blog

2010-10-29T09:08:00.002+02:00

This is a frocking awesome idea that I stole from Angel.

Since I'm really crap at regularly blogging, this might give me some motivation, or whatever. I don't promise to actually do this in 30 days. I'll try. I'll even make a concerted effot to do it like every second day, at least. If I actually get through this, no-one will be more amazed than me!!

Okay, so the idea is to blog about a different topic every day. This is the list.

Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself
Day 02 → Something you love about yourself
Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living.
Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you badly.
Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself

Do you need to be validated?

2010-09-17T12:22:00.003+02:00

Sometimes I find this whole parenting gig to be quite difficult. Now that Ciara is getting older (and more sassy), I find that I actually have to do more PARENTING than just hanging out and listening and having fun.

I think my biggest failures as a parent come in the form of validation and sympathy. Now don't get me wrong, Ciara knows that I will love her, and that she will always be my first priority in life - no matter what. So her position as the centre of MY universe is not the problem. It's the rest of the world I'm concerned about.

I also lack the skill of mustering up the necessary sympathy for the scraped knee. Six hours after it happened. When it wasn't sore when it hurt, but it magically is now that it's been cleaned, and she's seen that it is in fact a scrape, and not just dirt. I'm like 'Ciara, it didn't hurt when it happened', and she's 'but mom I didn't know it was a scrape then.' and then she looks at me like I'm and idiot. Because it's perfectly logical that something didn't hurt when you thought it was dirt, but now that you know it's a scrape it must logically hurt. WTF?
Then I muster up the best 'eina' face I can and say 'Oh poor baby' because I don't know what the hell else to do.

I won't get into the incessant talking. Sometimes I actually have to say 'Ciara, for the love of all things sane and pretty, please just stop talking for like 5 minutes'. And then I feel really crappy. Because what kind of parent tells their kid to shut up? But it's not like she listens to me. She just rolls her eyes and gives me the 'whatever' look, and picks up right where she left off. It's a skill, often leaving me wondering if the 25 seconds before really happened, or were just a figment of my imagination.

Overall, I really quite enjoy this crazy, confusing and metamorphic job I was thrust into. She's quite a peach that little one. I think I'll keep her.

Can someone explain this to me?

2010-09-15T12:15:00.002+02:00

Okay, so you can see the spelling of my name there on the right. It's not an easy name to spell, and when I speak to people I always tell them how to spell my name. Not once, in the history of EVER, has someone managed to spell my name correctly without being given the spelling.

So I understand the Caryn, Karen, Kerrin, Keran, Kiaran when someone hasn't been given the correct spelling.

But how, for the love of all things good and shiny in this world, do you get it wrong when you are replying to an e-mail, that contains the correct spelling of my name not once, but THREE times. And you still address the e-mail "Hi Kerin". How do you do that?

It must be some kind of gift, to be able to completely ignore EVERYTHING around you. I am either the most conscientious person I know (I actually check the spelling of peoples names when I reply to e-mails), or I am surrounded by some of the worlds most wilfully oblivious people!

This is difficult

2010-09-14T08:43:00.002+02:00

Crickey, keeping up with this blogging thing is difficult.

I get my best blogging ideas at around 3:23am, but by the time I'm fully away (8:41am), the ideas are all gone.

I was thinking the other day about how many 'Internet crushes' I have. There are so many words written in so many blogs that I simply must read every day. My cyber crushes are both boys and girls (although I swing only one way irl.)

There are those that I admire, those that inspire, those that make me laugh, and even those that make me cry. I have 17 blogs that I read almost every day. I feel like I know those people. I'm disappointed when they don't blog EVERY DAY. When they decide to leave blogging (forever, or just for a while) I feel personally abandoned.

OMG : The Boss just missed his flight to Tanzania!?! He assumed 12:30am on the 14th was tomorrow morning?!? WTH?

Okay, so, love you guys, do you want to split a milkshake at the Wimpy?

When you just want to scream F#%k

2010-08-05T15:01:00.002+02:00

I'm a pretty laid back person. I don't usually sweat the small stuff.

I have a touch of OCD that sometimes makes my change other peoples loo roll so that it goes over not under, and 'poke' people back on facebook, because the notification on my home page annoys me so much, even though I don't get the point of 'poking'.

But sometimes I just want to scream F#%k. But I can't because I'm a mom, and a daughter, and an employee. And screaming F#%K will just freak people out.

Like for instance, my mom has the most annoying way of not being able to finish anything. Why would a person leave two tablespoons of coke in the two litre bottle, and put it back in the fridge. Just drink it out of the damn bottle and throw it away. Or use my cheese and leave a piece the size of a 10 cent coin. Just eat it for frocks sake, what am I supposed to do with a piece of cheese that size? Just finish a thing, man! Stop trying to make me scream F#%k. But I can't because she's a good mom. She cooks me dinner every night, and takes care of my kid when she's on school holidays, and does so much more for me.

And Ciara, bless her, she is the worlds sweetest nine year old. I love that kid more than life itself. But when she comes home from school, having 'lost' her R500-00 bomber jacket, I just want to scream F#%k. But I can't. Because she's a good kid, and it's not like she meant to lose the thing, or like she loses things every day. But what THAT, why not the R25-00 socks, or the R30-00 tie? Why the most expensive item of school clothing she has?

And the boss. Crikey, I do love him in that non-romantic we've-worked-together-for-12-years-and-know-each-other-better-than-our-mothers kind way. But I'm busy, I don't need or want to be on the phone listening to you unnecessarily repeating things for 11 minutes. Just leave me alone, and let me be a recluse here in my office. I like it this way.

But I suppose life wouldn't quite be life if we didn't sometimes want to scream F#%k. This moment will pass, and I'll come out the other side of it, having further repressed my emotional outbursts.

There's nothing like a little repression at the end of the day. I'm not drowning, just swimming vigorously.

Sometimes, a girl just wants to look . . .

2010-07-26T08:50:00.003+02:00

When you're out with your friends and you see two young men who are rather fine to look at, but young enough to be, well . . . your younger brothers, sometimes a girl just wants to look.

I can describe it best by using the following analogy.

So, you are walking down the street, and happen to pass the Porsche dealership. Inside you see a shiny new Cayenne.

It's beautiful to look at. You press your face up to the glass, and close your eyes and just for one moment, imagine running your tongue from it's sunroof to it's shiny bumper. Then you stop, and shake your head. Back to reality, back to 4th grade algebra, Btu's and building plans.

It's not like you will never have a Cayenne. It's just that you are not ready for the Cayenne right now. And when you are ready, maybe you don't want a Cayenne anymore. Maybe you would prefer an X5, or maybe something shinier and sleeker, or maybe you're into a hybrid by that time.

Buying a car is a HUGE commitment, it's an emotional commitment (shudder), how do you know when you're ready for it?

Cyanide and Happiness

2010-07-23T16:16:00.004+02:00

I haven't been able to read C&H for a while due to restrictions of my internet access at work, so I was just reading through some of the posts now, and when I read this one, I truly did L O L.

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

Edited to add : I know it doesn't fit properly - I spent like 1 minute trying to fix it and then gave up - click it. - Never mind!!

Just an FYI to spammers

2010-07-21T15:04:00.002+02:00

To all the advertising spammers of the world. The chances of me responding to your cell phone ad spam is slim to none. The chances of me responding to your badly written, terribly juvenile ad spam is less than zero.

At least the e-mail advertising spam I get is mostly well written.

I'm just saying.

My lifes mission

2010-07-16T14:10:00.002+02:00

I swear, even if it kills me, I will make sure at least one person in this world thinks logically. It is my mission in life to force others to think logically.

Day after day people come into my office and tell me something like "the plotter is not working" and then look at me with this look on their face. This look that says "I have thought long and hard about it, but despite my hours of contemplation, I cannot see any way forward from this dilemma. I have come to you, oh great knower of all, for you eternal wisdom and knowledge."

There was a time I would glance in my pocket, then under my desk, and proclaim loudly "the plotter repairing fairies are not hiding in my office at this time." But my magical wit was usually lost on them, and their brows would furrow and their heads would tilt about 15° to the left and a wave of confusion would wash over them like a soft and comfy blankie.

So I just gave up with the sarcasm, and now say "Well what did THE PLOTTER REPAIR PEOPLE say when you phoned them?"
Which is technically still sarcasm, but might actually get a point across.

It only takes about five minutes for them to get it.

I live in eternal hope that one day someone will walk into my office and say "The plotter is not working, the repair guy will be here tomorrow. Just letting you know"

Why? Why can people just not take the next logical step in situations such as this.

You know what I don't get?

2010-07-14T08:48:00.002+02:00

Seriously, you know what I don't get?

People who say they don't have time to eat.
Just to be clear, I am studying for a degree, trying to build a house, work full time and I'm a single parent. But do you know what I still make time for? Yup, eating. It's not like it's that a time consuming endeavor. I mean sure, I don't have time to cook, but that's what I have a mom for (love you mom) and I get that other people don't have a live-in-mom, but there are always alternatives (hello, Woolworths :-)).

People who don't use their indicators (flickers, turn signal, whatever).
It's the flick of a finger people - not rocket science. Just do it. Do it for my mental health. Do it to keep from eventually snapping and shoving a indicator where an indicator should never be shoved.

Twilight, et al.
I will admit having seen both Twilight and New Moon. I will also admit that they are not the WORST movies I have ever seen. I will even admit that they hold a certain appeal . . . . . to children. Ciara LOVES Twilight, and that's okay. Because she's nine. Anyone older than, say 11, who loves Twilight must be sat down for a good talking to.

Justin Bieber hate.
Look, I think the kid is an arrogant little baby, who sings terrible songs in the voice of a girl. I just don't care enough about him to summon any hate. As they say, this too shall pass.

Well, okay, so my second blog post for 2010 is done (go, me). Grief, I'm trying to be more attentive to you, my wilting blog, but it's just not that easy . . .

It's a fight to the death

2010-02-11T12:53:00.002+02:00

Over at Nerdmag there is an Auction for charity. I initially read through it but wasn't too interested in any of the goods on Auction (I'm not a part of the Social Media group, so a lot of the stuff was over my head.)

But I did happen upon "a batch of 12 chocolate cupcakes with a creme-caramel secret-centre and chocolate fudge icing". This item spoke to my very soul.

So I started off at a very reasonable R201-00 for the 12 cupcakes, but I have competition. And it will be a fight to the death. I will have those cupcakes!

I'm currently on R354-85, and I won't give up.

I'm not actually sure when (if) the Auction ends, so this may get heated . . .

Coming up next . . . . Do I, or do I not get the coveted cupcakes?

I'm 15 again, with the internet at my disposal

2010-02-08T15:13:00.004+02:00

So, the blog has undergone a bit of a facelift. I'm really going to try and be better at this. I have SO much to say, and a limited number of times my friends will keep accepting the long winded "news" letters I keep sending them . . . .

But anyway, ya, back to the title. I LOVE Fall Out Boy. The nonsensical lyrics are really of no real importance when you listen to the music, because, well, wow.

But I've always thought FOB = Pete Wentz, who while a cute little thing is really not what I fancy in a boy.
So on the weekend I'm visiting with Kim-O and we watched "Sugar, we're goin down" on YouTube, which I've never seen before and I thought to myself "that lead singer there is quite nice too".

So what do I do. I spend five hours on Saturday night Googling Patrick Stump, who while a little chubby, four inches shorter than me and eight years younger (exactly eight - we share a birthday), is still the stuff my dreams are made of.

So you see, he's not conventionally good looking, but man he makes me warm and tingly where it counts.

I seriously feel like I'm 15 again and this strikes a remarkable resemblance to my "Vanilla Ice" phase of the early 90's . . . .

Thank God I didn't have the Internets available to me then!

So I hereby declare Patrick Stump as my Secret Boyfriend (phrase stolen, with credit to her.)

Why's that my fault?

2009-03-03T14:34:00.002+02:00

So, if you are a person who is driving without a car kit and I phone you - and you answer, and I ask you if it's okay for me to ask you a question and you say yes and then a cop pulls you over for talking on your cell phone why do you blame me and get all pissy and tell me that it is my fault?

Hey Asshole - if you don't want to get a fine either :

(A) Don't answer your phone - I would have left a message which you would have ignored and I would have to keep phoning you back until I got hold of you hopefully not driving.
Or
(B) Get a fecking car kit.

Sheesh Dude, not cool, not cool at all.

Dear Dreams

2009-01-28T11:54:00.003+02:00

Dear My Dreams,

I really appreciate you popping around every night, and allowing my mind to not only work the 18 hours I'm awake, but also the 7 hours I sleep*. Thanks. No really, thanks.

I also appreciate the fantastically bizarre things you bring to me each night. I now have the reassurance that I am not only exceptionally intelligent, but also amazingly creative. So Thanks. No really, thanks.

I guess I should apologise for trying to drug you away, because clearly this doesn't work. It just makes you bring weirder things.

But please, please oh blessed dreams, could I ask you this one small favour? If you are not going to be about Wentworth Miller and I having naughty, sexy times, then please, please go away.

I know this is hard to hear, but I don't actually like you.

I'm sorry.

I thank you in advance for you adherence to my terms set out above.

Regards,

Kerryn

* I know that there are only 24 hours in a day and not 25 . . . . this is just a further indication of how tired I am.

A day in the life of me . . . .

2008-10-09T14:32:00.001+02:00

Long time, no blog . . . I've been furiously busy, but just slowed down to hectically busy, with a strong possibility of only really busy, so I may, or may not blog more often.

This morning while travelling to drop Ciara off at school on the N1, it occurred to me that I must be possibly the only living being who is not a millionaire.

Let me explain further. On this particular part of the N1 there is some sort of construction going on. One theory is it is for the Gautrain. Another theory is highway widening to four lanes. My theory is to for Tshwane Metro to make a shit load of money.
The speed limit has been reduced from the previous 100km/h to an amazingly slow 80km/h. Now I know that this reduction of 20km may be a mild annoyance to any sane person, but apparently it brings out masochistic tendencies in others.
There was also a report on the news, in newspapers, on interweb news sites and on the radio that these reduced speed areas would be speed trapped by them lazer camera thingies.

Me, personally, I don't have R500-00 to R700-00 to flush down the toilet like yesterdays Nando's. No I like my geld safe and sound in my little purse tucked into my ample cleavage - Not in the bank account of Tshwane Metro. Thank. You. Very. Much.

I am clearly alone in my inclination to hold on to my hard earned cash. Because every other asshole on the road things it's a free for all - they react to the yellow of the reduced speed signs like a bull to a badly dressed matador!

I had a gasoline truck tail gating me for about 5km the other day. Now that would have been fun if I had to stop suddenly. Fun like kicking your baby toe against the corner of that fecking end table you always walk into.

Seriously?

2008-09-08T16:12:00.002+02:00

I am currently searching (fruitlessly, apparently) for a Dolls Cupboard (ie, a cupboard in which one can hang dolls clothes) for Ciara. I have looked high and low on the interweb. I was searching Bid or Buy a moment ago, and used the term 'doll' as a search word, since 'cupboard' didn't yield many returns.

My search was much more fruitful this time. I happened upon many, many "Baby Dolls".

Now I understand buying Lingerie on-line (at Temptations, or sexylingerie, or adult world or even woolies), but bid or buy? Seriously?

Who thinks, "I'm feeling saucy and sexy and want a little number to match my mood, Aaah, I think I log on to bid or buy!"

Seriously?

In my search I also happened to find a clearly used pair of shoes at eBay uk!
Gross, gross, gross, gross.

Are you a talent, a lifer, or a mandarin?

2008-09-04T16:07:00.002+02:00

I'm a Mandarin!

You're an intellectual, and you've worked hard to get where you are now. You're a strong believer in education, and you think many of the world's problems could be solved if people were more informed and more rational. You have no tolerance for sloppy or lazy thinking. It frustrates you when people who are ignorant or dishonest rise to positions of power. You believe that people can make a difference in the world, and you're determined to try.

Talent: 44%
Lifer: 46%
Mandarin: 51%

http://www.tomorrowland.us/tlm/

Give me a f-ing break . ..

2008-08-20T10:11:00.003+02:00

You know what really pisses me off? Other than people who don't use their indicators. It's the total lack of personal responsibility which has infiltrated this world.
This whole shooting incident in Krugersdorp is a typical case in point.
The only news I have heard so far involve Satanism and Slipknot. Oh please, give me a f*cking break. Seriously? Satanism and Slipknot? Not only is that the oldest excuse in the book, it's so bloody lame. Couldn't it have been more original this time? Couldn't the blame fallen on Scientology and the songs of the Broadway Musical Cats.
If I were a journalist, and if anyone actually cared about my opinion, the story would have gone ;

Yesterday in Krugersdorp, a matric pupil fatally stabbed a Grade 9 pupil. The perpetrator used his God given free will to make the decision to carry out this atrocious act. His reason for the attack remains unknown, but claims the oldest excuse in the book "the devil made me do it".

Truly, I don't care if the kid was listening to "songs by satan", written and performed by the darkmaster himself. That pathetic excuse just doesn't cut it.

Grow a pair dude, and cop to the fact that you are a murderer who made a conscious and informed decision to TAKE THE LIFE OF ANOTHER HUMAN BEING.

The worst mama ever . . . .

2008-06-18T10:32:00.002+02:00

So, it goes like this. I fetch Ciara from aftercare at school yesterday and she is crying. I immediately ask her whats wrong, like the good momma I thought I was, and she tells me she fell and hurt her wrist.

So I ask her if it is sore when she moves it, must we go to the hospital or does she think she will be okay. She tells me that it is REALLY sore. I am getting really frustrated, because seriously, who wants to go and sit at the emergency room at night in the cold?

I'm thinking, it's probably just bruised, this child is such a drama queen*.

So after much mmming and aaahing, I head over to Unitas to have my child seen to. I am not a happy momma at this point. I want to be at home. It's dark. It's cold. I have SO many chores to do.

After spending 400 hours** at the emergency room, we get the result that she has, in fact, fractured her wrist. She is currently in a splint, with a cast being put on on Friday.

So, it's official. I'm the crappiest momma ever.

* In my defence, the child is the queen of drama, and belongs on stage, in fact, she should be awarded an honorary Academy Award for Outstanding Performance in Bawling at Absolutely Everything.
** Okay, so it was only an hour and a half, but the drama queen apple does not fall far from the drama queen tree.

Duel posted here : The Bad Mommy Blog

Nobody tagged me, but I'm going to do it anyway . . .

2008-06-13T12:27:00.004+02:00

1. What is in the back seat of your car right now? An empty Mini-pringles packet and 3 tissues.
2. When was the last time you threw up? A couple of years ago, I think
3. What’s your favorite curse word? Darn
4. Name three people who made you smile today. Ciara, and my co workers.
5. What were you doing at 8am this morning? Something terribly important, I'm sure.
6. What were you doing 30 minutes ago? Eating my Nando's Pita Meal
7. What will you be doing 3 hours from now? Something terribly important, I'm sure.
8. Have you ever been to a strip club? Not a strip club, but I've seen boys strip (yawn).
9. What’s the last thing you said aloud? Strangely "If y'all leave at 1, you take your lives into your own hands".
10. What is the best ice cream flavour? Vanilla soft serve with a flake and cherry sauce.
11. What is the last thing you had to drink? Orange juice with my Pita Meal
12. What are you wearing right now? Nothing, ha ha, jeans and a long sleeved shirt
13. What was the last thing you ate? A Nando's Pita meal . . . .
14. Have you bought any new clothing items this week? Nope
15. When was the last time you ran? The last time someone was chasing me, so . . . . um . .. . never
16. What’s the last sporting event you watched? Good Grief, probably some or other cricket
17. Who is the last person you e-mailed? A potential supplier (I had to check my sent items.)
18. Ever go camping? Nope, well maybe when I was younger, but I don't remember (blocked out all bad memories of no warm bed, running water or electricity.)
19. Do you have a tan? Not at this time.
20. Do you drink your soda from a straw? Sometimes, usually not.
21. Are you someone’s best friend? I don't think I am an exclusive best friend, I think a few select people think of me as a good friend
22. What are you doing tomorrow? Getting my hair cut, going to the airport, cleaning and sweet nothing (not in that order, or is it . . . . . ?)
23. Where is your mom right now? At home, chillin' with her entourage
24. Look to your left. What do you see? Shelf with files, my old char, a filing cabinet and the door
25. What colour is your watch? Silver and broken
26. What comes to mind when you think of Australia? Ryan and Daddy.
27. Would you consider plastic surgery? I had my first plastic surgery when I was 12, so yeah, I most definitely would!!!
28. What is your birthstone? What else could it be but a Diamond :-)
29. Do you go in at a fast food place or just hit the drive-thru? Depends.
30. How many kids do you want? Just the one thanks.
31. Do you have a dog? Yes, three beasts who are out to kill me/make me broke/drive me insane
32. Last person you talked to on the phone. Honestly don't remember
33. Have you met anyone famous? Sort of
34. Any plans today? Meeting in 45 minutes, which reminds me, I should go . . . . .

Okay, I'm back . . . .now to continue

35. Ever go to college? Nope

36. Where are you right now? In the office, sitting on my new chair

37. Biggest annoyance in your life right now? Ciaras dad

38. Last song listened to? If my body, something, something, something (Tuks FM)
39. Are you allergic to anything? Lol, same as Glugs - stupidity
40. Favorite pair of shoes you wear all the time? My Nike trainers - love them
41. Are you jealous of anyone? My cat
42. Who is your favorite actor/actress? Hannah Montana
43. What time is it? 03:33
44. Do any of your friends have children? Yes
45. Do you eat healthy? Um no, I eat allot - does that count?
46. What do you usually do during the day? Slave away
47. How old will you be on your next birthday? 33
48. Have you ever been to Europe? Yes, yes I have
49. Name one thing you’d still like to do. Have a power nap every afternoon between 12 and3.
50. Favorite colour? Rose Petal Red or I have no favorite colour. I do have a favorite word : Pi

Things you must do immediately, if not sooner

2008-05-22T13:05:00.005+02:00

Watch Rock of Love on Go at 21h30.
This show is fricken fabulous. The basic premise is that Bret Michaels, frontman of 80's/90's rock sensation "Poison" is looking for lurve! You may remember Poison for gems like "Unskinny Bop" and "Every Rose has it's Thorn". Anyhoo, what better place to look for love than National Television - because really, that's where everyone is finding true love these days!
But this is so much better than any of those other wannabee relationship reality shows (of which I have watched Every. Single. One.) in that they have REALLY stupid women on this show! Really, really stupid. This provides for minutes of entertainment for me. From the two dumbest blondes I have ever seen (Candy & Bambi) to the totally wasted Tiffany who likes to dry hump Bret.
Am loving it. You must watch this immediately, if not sooner.

Buy Exile on Mainstream - A decade of Matchbox 20
Yes, this is the best in totality CD I have ever owned. I LOVE every single song on this CD, and go through days of loving certain songs more than others. Yes this CD has been on repeat in my car for 3 months now, and I am not sick of it yet. At the moment I am in love with Rob Thomas, and want him to be the father of my, as yet unnamed, children.

I am currently totally repeating "Bright Lights". Good Grief I really heart this CD.

I have not felt this way about a CD since Alanis Morissettes Jagged Little Pill, and that was 13 years ago!

So, what are you waiting for? - Go already.

The post, just for the sake of posting . . .

2008-05-16T14:31:00.002+02:00

Hey . . . .

'Sup?

Why I love Fridays . . .

2008-05-09T15:30:00.000+02:00

I simply have to relay this series of e-mails. This is what we do on a Friday afternoon . . .

E-Mail 1 from JA to Me :
Can you solve this?
Only skilled people can open this file....... Once you succeed to openthis file, you will find names of the people who have managed to openthis...... Now it is your turn!
How to open attached file?
A man was travelling to Kasoa
At the bus stop, he met a man with 7 wife’s
Each wife has 12 sons and 12 daughters
Each daughter of the man*s wife’s had 4 sons and 7 daughters
Each son of the man*s wife’s had 7 sons and 4 daughters
Each grand daughter had 4 friends
How many people got to kasoa?
The number of people who got to kasoa is the password to open attached file. Once you have opened it, add Your name and challenge others

E-Mail 2 from Me to JA :
I actually calculated the number of people (it’s 5723 in total) and when that didn’t work I tried 1
The only problem I have is that it does not say anywhere that the other lot of people were NOT going to Kasoa. What the hell were all those people doing at the bus stop if they were not going to Kasoa? And where were they going? It’s like saying the answer is 0 because the man who was travelling to Kasoa changed his mind and got off at the stop before. The variables are not clear!
This was infuriating. It would have been better if the password was 5723 . . .
Good Grief I’m SUCH a nerd!

E-Mail 3 from MA to JA and Me :
He he that is a good point.
On the other hand, how many buses would be needed to transport 5723 people to Kasoa? It's not logical thatany servicewould supply that many buses at one time. With this in mind, I must disagree and say that 5723 would bethe worse possible answer.
I have to agree though that the question being: "How many people got to Kasoa?" is undeterminable as Kerryn suggests, since there is no evidence to substantiate that this man actually got there. All that is absolute is that a man was travelling to Kasoa. The answer IS based on an assumption. With this in mind I wouldsay the best possible answer would be to leavethe Password field blank since the answer is logically unknown.
Wearen't nerds, only forward thinking. ;~)

E-Mail 4 from JA to MA, MS and Me :
Did anybody even consider the bus drivers?

E-Mail 5 from Me to JA, MA and MS :
The logistics did also bother me, but the riddle did not state how many busses there were, nor how many people could fit on to a bus (have you seen those picture of the vehicles packed with layers and layers of people? Kosoa is in Kenya, so you never know.) This of course would have to bring in the question of how many busses were required, and as a result the number of bus drivers too.
However, when these thoughts went through my mind, the "Good Grief, I am such a FORWARD THINKER" thought was already going through my mind and I just had to say "enough already woman!"
I just love Fridays!

E-Mail 6 from MS to JA, MA and Me :
Why Kasoa?
Does anyone else get the feeling that this riddle is a slight on the people of Kenya? I mean overloaded buses, large families, under appreciated public servants (bus driver/s), and a riddle with no real answer???
Perhapsthe author has based the makings of his/her riddle on a bad experience and would at some stage be in desperate needof a hug.Personally I don't think one bad experience is grounds for such a bad riddle, if it were true that is...

E-Mail 7 from Me to MS, JA and MA :
ROTFLMAO
Micheal, I just want to personally thank you for making me laugh so hard that I had tears streaming down my face when my boss walked into my office.
He is still standing here looking at me funny.
And I have a stupid smile on my face.
So thanks.

OMG and WTF

2008-05-09T12:19:00.001+02:00

I just returned from a trip to the little girls room and I am totally speechless.

As I walked into the loo, there stood one of the employess CUTTING HER HAIR. In the office loo??

Is that normal?

I-theguy ca-thegan sti-thegill spe-thegeak li-thegike thi-thegis

2008-04-19T19:36:00.004+02:00

I look back on my young years and feel truly embarrassed (well not really) of some of the things in my youth.

I am not talking about deliciously juicy things like scandalous sex and such debauchery. It's those other things, ya know - the little things.

I remember as a young girl in the hood - probably Std5 (or grade 7 for all the post seventies children), my friend and I used to adore speaking gibberish. We thought we were the only two people on the planet who knew it. That was until one day we were giberrishing LOUDLY about how hot the substitute 'library' teacher was. That was of course until he said 'thank you very much' in flawless gibberish.

The "Fresh Prince of Bell-aire" stage - nuff said!

The time I fell up the stars in front of a busy parking area and bruised my ribs. Ashamedly, this did not happen that long ago.

Goldie and Liza - Good times.

The time I tried to kill myself by walking in the middle of the street and hoping a car would hit me. Because the object of my desire had rejected me. And I had been drinking. And I was 13 or something.

What would life be without a few bruised ribs, and at least one suicide attempt? Each of these things has taught me some really valuable lessons.

1. People will remember the stupid things you do forever, so try not to be too stupid.
2. When you are an adult, get new friends who don't remember what an idiot you were in your teenage years. Because your childhood friends will feel no shame in reminding you just how mind-numbingly stupid you were in your youth ;-)

I'm so happy I did the dance of joy!

2008-04-14T12:41:00.002+02:00

I got some really brilliant news on the weekend.

My ex-pat brother is coming to visit over December. It's so fricken fabulous I literally jumped for joy when I heard on Sunday.

Ryan totally rocks! He is so much fun to be around, and totally ADORES Ciara. This is so very cool!

Yay me.

Can people possibly get much thicker?

2008-03-26T14:36:00.003+02:00

This just arrived in my Inbox a few moments ago "

The latest is that Eskom wants to raise our electricity rates by 53%, but most of us think that it is outrageous and unfair! Why should we pay for their mistakes?

The government is prepared to spend R30+ billion on the stadiums for the 2010 World Cup, and a couple million on generators for these stadiums.
Wouldn't it make more sense to give the money they are prepared to spend on generators to Eskom instead? Maybe then by 2010 they will be able to generate enough power to supply SA and generators will not be needed.

We could write pages and pages about Eskom and their problems, but the bottom line is that they messed up and should not hold us responsible to pay for their mistakes.

If you are against Eskom raising our electricity rates, please sign and send to as many people as you possibly can. Please do not 'Forward it'.
Simply 'Copy and Paste' it into another email. Time is running out and we need to move fast!

Every 500th person should please CC to thulani.gcabashe@eskom.co.za <mailto:thulani.gcabashe@eskom.co.za> , the CEO of Eskom.

Would it not be easier to ask who IS in favour of a 53% hike in electricity rates? Seriously, shouldn't it go without saying that NOBODY wants an increase?

I can only imagine the laughter that will ring through the office of Thulani Gcabashe when he gets dozen's and dozen's of e-mails from all the ignorant and misinformed. I imagine how he will shake his head in delight as he clicks the little 'X' in the tool bar and the annoying little e-mails go away.

That is, of course if Mr. Gcabashe were still CEO of Eskom, which he isn't.

So good luck with this petition guys. . . . no, really . . . hope it makes you feel as though you've done 'something'.

Warning . . . Real emotion ahead

2008-03-14T16:09:00.002+02:00

I've really been in a total funk today. I have been pissy, and snappy and I was so sarcastic to my boss a minute ago, he nearly wept.

I have stuff that is bothering me at the moment - so I know what's up with that. But there has been something more. A sadness of the heart I could not explain. A desire to cry, with no good reason.

I just looked at my calender, and saw the date for the first time. 14 March 2008. Eight years since my brothers death.

Gary - I miss you bro.

Live is Life

Killing me softly.

2008-03-11T15:36:00.002+02:00

I was without Internet access for about 3 hours today.

I think I just died a little inside . . .

Like a bang, a-boome-boomerang

2008-03-05T10:14:00.002+02:00

While reading SweetViolets blog the other day, I clicked on the link for religious fundamentalists, I came across one nutcase who claimed that the high rate of disease and famine in Africa is because us Africans are not a God fearing people, and we are being punished by Him because of this.

While this particular nutcase was pretty much wrong about that whole statement, one commenter posed the question "What about Sweden, they have the lowest percentage of Christians in all the world? What is their punishment for this?"

And someone else (bless him/her for this answer) said "ABBA".

Oh how I chuckled at that. And then it got me thinking about how the lyrics of songs, sung by bands/people who’s first language is not English have really had a profound affect on my life throughout the years, for example :

"Bang, say da da da da

Tell me yes and let's feed the fire

Bang bang, say da da da

Nothin' less, I wanna hear a yes

Bang, say da da da da

Tell me yes and let's feed the fire

Bang bang, say da da da

Tell me yes"

Bang - Gorky Park

"1-2-3-4 walking like a man, hitting like a hammer, she's a juvenile scam. Never was a quitter, tasty like a raindrop, she's got the look. Heavenly bound cause heaven's got a number. When she's spinning me around, kissing is a colour, Her loving is a wild dog, she's got the look."

The Look - Roxette

"Chiquitita, tell me the truth. I'm a shoulder you can cry on. Your best friend, I'm the one You must rely on. You were always sure of yourself. Now I see you've broken a feather I hope we can patch it up together. "

Chiquitta - Abba

And some of my favorite lines by other artists :

I love you like a fat kid loves cake - 50 Cent

you cheated girl my heart beated girl - Trousersnake

I don't wanna be your friend. I wanna f--- you like I'm never gonna see you again - Kid Rock

You should be stronger than me, But instead you're longer than frozen turkey - Amy Winehouse (no surprises here)

Them chickens is ash and I'm lotion - Mariah Carey

And the one-eyed undertaker, he blows a futile horn - Bob Dylan

I don't know what's gotten in to me, but I kinda think I know what it is - Jessica Simpson

Aaah, Good Times . . . Good Times.

Dear You

2008-02-26T13:19:00.002+02:00

To the dear woman who works in the open plan office next to my office.

For the love of all things good in this world, please go and see a doctor. You are driving everyone INSANE with your incessant coughing.

Yes, we get that you are sick. Yes, we also get that you are too poor to go to the doctor.
And yes, we all think that perhaps if you kicked that 20 a day habit you wouldn't (a) be sick all the time, and (b) have money to go to the doctor.

The average cost of 1 cigarette is ± 90c. At 20 a day, 30 days a month, that would save you a grand total of R540-00 per month. This would be sufficient to go to the doctor (and get medication) at least once a month.

Thanking you in eager anticipation.

Note : As a smoker, this in no way is in intended to offend smokers. But FFS, if you are spending your last twenty bucks on a pack of smokes instead of milk and bread for your kids, it's time to stop smoking!

My Seven . . .

2008-02-18T14:17:00.003+02:00

Hmm, so anyway. I've been tagged by EM&CT to do this thing, so here goes my list :

I'm totally anal about making lists. I make lists of work and diarise them on my calendar with time allocation to each task. I make lists of things I must do at home. Before I had the GPS I would make a comprehensive list of directions if I ever needed to go anywhere (like first road : West Street, second road : 4th Avenue, turn left at third road : Mulberry Hill), and then I make a comprehensive list of how to get back. Every time!
I truly, honestly and deeply believe that I will never meet my perfect partner. I mean perfect for me (not PERFECT, perfect). And it doesn't bother me in the least. The idea of growing old alone is not depressing or sad - it's something to look forward to.
It took me years, and a lot of self therapy to leave the time unset on a clock. I used to be so bad that if there had been a power failure during the day, the very first thing I would do when I got home was to set ALL the clocks in the house. The very first thing.
I live Sunday 17h00 to Friday 17h00 on a strict routine. I do the same thing each evening when I get home, and the same thing each morning when I wake up. Everything has it's allocated time. I hate being rushed or late. If something interferes with my routine, it makes me terribly anxious. The weekends are not planned at all (unless I make plans with friends, etc.) I am totally carefree about when things get done over the weekends.
Back when I was young, and dinosaurs roamed the earth, I rebelled in a very controlled way. I drank, smoked and had sex, but I limited my shenanigans to the weekend. Monday to Friday I was a good girl who went to school and did my homework and kept on the path to being something more.
I don't get addiction, even though I'm a smoker.
I think people are of the opinion that I am very strong, but sometimes I cry for the strangest reasons.

Now, I'm supposed to get some others to do this as well, well . . . .

And yes, I purposely picked 3 of 4 people who probably won't do it :-)

Rules :

1. List 7 weird / wonderful things about you.

2. Link back to my blog.

3. Leave a comment if you like.

Next review . . .

2008-02-04T14:05:00.000+02:00

Kim-osabi is my favorite blog ever. Not only because Kim is a wonderful writer, hilariously funny, extremely wise, and right there at the top of the bell curve. It is also because she is my friend IRL.

I lost Kim many years ago in the rough and tumble of life, and thought of her often through the birthing of children. The marriage, the divorce. Through failed relationships and through the ones that didn't fail. In those years there was a missing piece. That last piece of the puzzle that has the wierd little funny guy who makes you laugh on it.

One day I googled Kim, in the off chance that maybe there would be some reference, somewhere. Saint Anthony must have been smiling down on me that day cause I found her cell phone number, and I phoned, and it was her, and the rest is history!!

Kim, I love you dude :-)

Reviews of my favs

2008-01-30T15:34:00.000+02:00

My first blog review of Places I Visit Daily over there <--------

Awkward things I say to Girls is about a guy who is a self proclaimed geek. He recounts his tales of how he screws up almost every single conversation he ever has with a member of the opposite sex.
He is also busy telling a story of unrequited love that is amusing, heart warming and cringe worthy (sometimes all at the same time.)
He does not update as often as he should.

Living Bridget . . . . Um, I really don't have the words. Bridget is crazy, and cool and totally fabulous. She is confident and outspoken. She is a mom who loves her pickle. She totally rocks.
Bridget updates almost every day, but it still isn't often enough!

Catherine Singleton is a single gal living in Boston (I think) in the US of A. She is hilarious. She is totally over the top and brilliant. She speaks of all things candidly, and makes me laugh out loud sometimes.

Oops, I just ran out of blogging time. I will eventually review all my favorites.

They are not my favorites for nothing, ya know!

Knocking on deaths door

2008-01-23T11:47:00.000+02:00

I’m sick. I have been given a germ I neither asked for, nor wanted (thanks Kim.) And I am the worst kind of person when I’m sick.

I refuse to stay at home, in bed and get better. I come to work and mope around all day. Looking dreadful and feeling even worse. I apparently want to die here at my desk in a pool of phlegm and snot, and then I will be made a martyr. Or, at least some sort of saint.

I’m here at work, where theoretically, I am supposed to actually work. Someone will ask me for something and I will look at them with my best "can’t you see I’m dying" look and say "But I’m sick . . ."

And then I get home after a day of not working very much and Ciara will want me to do all these totally unnecessary things like ‘homework’ and ‘make dinner’.
Sheesh, can’t a girl get a break anywhere!

The Bastards

2008-01-17T13:23:00.000+02:00

Okay, I don't want to be known as the chick who blogs about traffic all the time, but everytime I have to brave the N1 on a weekday, I want to scream "Oh, the humanity".

What the fricken hell happened to good manners and obeying simple traffic laws. I fart in the general direction of bad drivers and Eskom.

Y'all suck!

And what is is with people who insist on over explaining everything. Just a few examples :

Person A : The address is 123 Forth Avenue, Fifthville. Do you need directions?
Me : No, s'okay I'll use my GPS.
Person A : But it's really easy, you take this off ramp and turn left, and then second left, and the first right.

WTF? What part of "I'll use my GPS" is confusing? Or "No" for that matter?

Person B : You need to do a quote to Bill at ABC Inc. for two units, okay?
Me : Okay, no probs.
Person B : You need to cost it and send the price to Bill.
Me : Yup, okay, gottit.
Person B : Bill needs the price for the two units, which you must cost, alright?
Me : No, please can you get a white board and draw a picture for me. I don't quite understand. Was that, I must price Bill and send it to ABC at unit. No wait, I must price ABC and send it to unit at Bill. Okay, I think I've got it now.

In the last two days I have managed to stab myself in the thumb (behind the nail) on my right hand, and stab myself on the palm of my left hand.
My self destructive behaviour has reached new heights. I think I may need to talk to someone :-)

The Return

2008-01-15T16:07:00.000+02:00

I’m baaack.

Okay, so you never knew I was gone. I was on holiday for three glorious weeks. I have been back at the office since last week Wednesday, but my keyboard and desk have been too damp from the tears to do any actual blogging (or work for that matter).

Anyway, nothing gets the year started like a good bitch ‘n moan, does it? So here goes.

I have a serious thing about the traffic. I cannot understand why one person cannot just be courteous and kind to the next. Why must every person on the road (except me) behaves like a fricken jerk.

My least favorites of the bad drivers are the "I’m all right, Jackers".

These are those people who move so slowly at that "right turn only" green light, that they are the only one who is able to get across, while the rest of us wait, fuming for the next green light, and hope, against all odds that the next person is not an "I’m all right, Jacker".

That idiot who idles their car in the middle of the street at your kids school, to wait the 5, 10 minutes until her kid appears at the gate. While the queue in the SINGLE entry way gets backed up 10km by those parents who will park (out of the way) and get out of their cars to fetch their kids from the gate.

I JUST DON’T GET IT.

On a much more fabulous note, I have the following to report about Ciara :

She was awarded at a special evening for an outstanding achievement in Numeracy. Only 5 kids from each class were chosen for awards, and I am so proud of her.
She turned 7 on 8 January - so happy birthday baby - wawi loves you!
She started Grade 2 the next day.

I came up with some excellent ideas for blogs while I was on holiday, but I can't remember any of them, so, well, this is kind if it.

Sucky post, no?

It's all over for me

2007-12-12T12:50:00.000+02:00

On Friday night I had the unpleasant experience of spending time with The Woman Who Knows Everything (TWWKE or Tweekie).

The discussion rolled around to someone’s sister who is 21 and not interested in getting married. Not surprisingly, Tweekies advise to this young woman was "Get a man and get married before you are 30, because after that it is too late!"

Seriously. She said that. With unmarried, 31 year old me sitting not four feet away from her.
So alas, my friends, it is too late for me. I am useless, destined to be on the shelf forever, passed my sell-by date. I may as well leave this cruel world, no man will ever want me (weep weep!)

And to all you young ‘uns out there. Please, for the love of all that is good, find a man NOW. Marry him IMMEDIATELY. Use threats, use force, just please, get him to agree to marry you. It does not matter whether you love him or not. It does not matter if you are happy or not. It only matters that you are married before you are 30!

You might end up like me if you don’t. Financially, emotionally and physically independent. Home Owner. Car Owner.

Only 24 working hours left. 1440 minutes. 86400 seconds.

A fricken long one

2007-12-05T14:34:00.000+02:00

I truly haven’t written a word of substance for my blog in ages! I don’t care. I am tired beyond belief, and would like to know who the hell thought it was a good idea for me to STILL be working on the 5th of December, seriously . . . .

I have a little rant about a headline I saw somewhere. I don’t know where it was, and I never actually read the article, so my rant could be totally baseless, but whatever.

"BE A GODDESS IN THE KITCHEN THIS CHRISTMAS" or something equally ridiculous.

I can think of maybe a billion places I would like to be on Christmas day, and honestly, the kitchen is not one of them. Who in their right mind wants to spend Christmas day in the kitchen? Anyone?
I am a fricken goddess and don’t need to be in the kitchen cooking like a slave to prove it. I am taking my small family out to a really expensive restaurant, and paying for it all with the money I earned being a fricken goddess every day.

END OF PART ONE

In a completely unrelated matter, I saw an interesting blog entry by someone who I have never read before, don’t remember and will probably never read again. It was something about writing a letter to your 13 year old self, so here goes :

Dear Kerryn,

This is you 18 years later. Weird? Yes. Get over it. Let me tell you a thing or two about how you are going to screw up your life over the next couple of years . . .

To start off with don’t start clubbing and drinking at 14. It ain't worth it.

About the boys. STAY AWAY FROM THEM. M, A and I are all HUGE mistakes. These three boys will take away 16 to 21, and you will never get those years back. Sixteen is too young to be in a serious relationship. Just Say No!

I know you hate Science, but do not drop this subject in Std 8. You will need it, and be 25 and regret not taking it. The decision to not go to university is not a good one. Go and study Mechanical Engineering. You will love it, trust me.
On that same note, FFS study in Std. 9 and 10. Do not coast by. Put your whole self into it and walk away with something to be proud of damnit!

Seek out F. He is an asshole, but you will fall pregnant with a beautiful baby girl. Dump him as soon as you find out you are pregnant. It’s pretty scary to do it alone, but you will manage.

Forgive mom as soon as you can. You will eventually forgive her, but the pain you will go through getting there will not be fun. Understand her, accept her, forgive her and love her. It may not always seem like it, but she truly loves you beyond belief. She will be there for you in the years to come in ways you could never even imagine right now. She totally rocks as a gran, and you couldn’t be who you are without her.

I know you are not confident or self assured right now. I know being a teenager is scary and everything seems so daunting. You are worth so much more than you think right now. Realise TODAY, and not in 15 years that you are an intelligent, beautiful, kind, compassionate soul. Never doubt that. Not for one single day.

When Ciara is reciting nursery rhymes at 18 months, record it, cos no-one will believe you. She is a genius, by the way (as if you would doubt it.)

Take the friends you have right now, Gill, Jules, Kim, Linds, Mandy, Son and Tracy and treasure them every day. You will still be friends with all these people in 20 years, 30, 40, 50. They are the truth. They are what friends are supposed to be about!

Spend more time with Gary. Speak more with him. Be more with him. Don’t ask why, just do it.

So that's it kiddo. Good luck.

Ps. Keep an eye out for something called ‘Google’. Buy as much stock as you can, as soon as you can!

END OF PART TWO

69 more hours to go . . . .4140 minutes . . . . .248400 seconds

END

And counting . . .

2007-12-03T16:52:00.000+02:00

I officially have 85.5 more hours of work left until I go on LEAVE.
That's 5130 minutes.
307800 seconds, no 307790, not 307780 . . . . .

Obviously, I can't wait. I seriously need a holiday.

One of the many, many reasons I love my baby

2007-11-22T13:07:00.000+02:00

I'm not really one of those "oh listen to the cute thing my kid did" kind of bloggers. I can talk incessantly about her for hours, believe me, and sometimes I do, but not here.

However, this story is so Ciara. She is six (seven in Jan), and still very, very six. She has lots of time to grow up.

I fetch her from aftercare and she is literally BOUNCING with excitement at the tale she has to tell me.

C: "Mom, guess what happened today!!! Giancarlo said the 'F' word!!!!"

Me : "He didn't!!!!" I always say this to express shock and amazement, not to express disbelief. I'm crazy like that.

C: "And we told on to Mrs. T"

Me : "Good, that's a naughty thing to say, and kids really shouldn't be saying that word."

So, the story is told. I'm thinking about what to buy at woolies for dinner, and which way home will get me stuck in the least amount of traffic. Then about five minutes later :

C : "Mom?"

Me : "Yes sugar lump?"

C : "Whats the 'F' word?"

I can only imagine that she had been racking her brain all day about what possible word starting with 'F' could make everyone react so shocked.

She is so amazingly sweet, and innocent, and naive, just the way a kid should be.

I love her for so many reasons, and this is just one of them.

You rock my angel!

It's a mans world . . .

2007-11-14T10:20:00.000+02:00

Being a woman in a mans world, I have had to put up with a lot of sexism from a lot of people. It usually just amuses me, it is fantastic to be underrated, you are always surprising people!

The following is a little extract of what has happened to me, how I would have liked to react, and how I did react.

Scenario 1
I answer my phone, with my standard
ME: Hello, Kerryn speaking
POP : May I speak to Kevin
ME : We have no Kevin, I’m sure it’s me you are looking for, my name is Kerryn.
POP : No I need to speak to Kevin, I need some technical info.

How I would like to have responded
1. Hold a moment, and then put them through to Jacob, the gardener, and told him to tell the guy on the phone his name is Kevin.
Or
2. Changed my voice so it was deep and said "Hello This is Kevin".

What I did
I said, I’m sorry I can’t put you through to Kevin because we have no Kevin working here, why don’t you just ask me, and lets see if I can help (I’m so fricken ‘helpful’ and ‘nice’.)

Scenario 2
I have done a proposal, with drawings and rates, and I know what is going on. I go with the boss (Mike) to the meeting with the client. He has just come back from another meeting and does not have any fricken idea what is going on with this project. So I give him a brief rundown in the car, but keep in mind he has never even looked at the drawings (this is not unusual, pretty standard for how we roll).

So we get to the meeting and sit down to discuss the proposal. Mike, rightly, says "I’ll let Kerryn take it from here".

So I give my very professional presentation complete with impressive technical terms and explanations. I use many laymans terms, just enough technical jargon. I have done this exact same thing seven million times before.

The client does not look at me once during the whole presentation, and when I am done, he looks directly at Mike and asks a completely random and stupid question. Mike! who, clearly, handed the presentation over to me!

How I would like to have responded
1. Keep dead quiet and let Mike sweat (this wouldn’t have been fair. He is totally awesome and values me because I am a woman and not despite it.)
Or
2. Said "Oi, over here dude, I’m the one you want to ask - were you not here for the presentation I just gave you. Did you sleep, were you semi comatose, are you still?"

What I did
I said "Excuse me Mike, if I may . . . . " and answered the guys question, and the other four hundred totally stupid, idiotic questions he had after that! I used my authoritarian voice too. The same one I use to shout at the puppy when she wees on the floor.

The client was like a naughty puppy who had just weed on my floor.

Bad boy. Bad, bad boy!

A bit about me . . .

2007-11-13T10:35:00.000+02:00

How old do you feel? Usually 6. Sometimes 31. Rarely 84.

What do you believe is the meaning of life? Happiness (and 42)

Why is the sky blue? Because it reflects the ocean, hell I can’t remember!

What is your favorite thing to cook? Cook! Ha, ha, ha - OMG that was funny.

What would your last meal be? Something so fattening, the fat would block my arteries and I would just die right then and there.

What is the youngest age you have memories of? About 4 or 5, not many though.

What is your favorite thing in the world? I think it would be Ummm, I have lots of favorite things hmmmm my house?

What living person would you want to meet? Bono, and maybe Kylie - dunno.

What dead person would you want to meet? Leonardo da Vinci - that old dude totally rocked.

Where in the world would you like to live? Fiji

Who has the most influence on you? Ciara - no doubt

Would you rather be single forever with a great family or be with your soul mate and have no family? Single with a great family absolutely!

What is your favorite scented candle? Scented Candle - do I look like someone who has scented candles?

Have you ever read the bible? Yup

Who do you dislike most in the world? Mugabe & Bin Laden

What is your ideal date? Lots of laughter, great food and just a bit of alcohol

What is your favorite shape? A trapezium (WTF kind of question is this!!)

What color do you feel represents you? Seriously, what colour represents me? How about the blacking-blueish colour one gets when punched in the eye?

Would you rather be honest and poor, or a liar and rich? Honest and Rich

What is your ideal ice cream creation? I just buy my ice-cream in a six pack from pick ‘n pay. I like the Magnums. And MOO.

What is your favorite thing to do? Work avoidance by blogging and answering pointless questionnaires.

What is your favorite junk food? Steers, hmmm steers

What is the longest you've gone without talking to anyone? Ha ha ha - if there is no-one for me to talk to, I talk to myself. Me, not talk, now that's fricken funny!

What is your favorite board game? 30 Seconds. Although I’m getting quite fond of Rumble in the Jungle and "Up-a-bit"

What is your favorite book? I can’t really answer this question. Many books have left me with many different feelings. I can tell you my least favorite is the one I am trying to read now. It is THE MOST BORING BOOK EVER, but I am committed to reading it now!

What toy have you always wanted and never gotten? A Porsche Cayenne, but I’m still young.

What item could you not go without during the day? Food!!

Do you consider yourself smart? Oh poor person who wrote this. Of course I do, in fact I consider myself to be a fricken genius

How old were you when life was the hardest? 12 to 18

Is there anything you have to do every day? Umm brush my teeth?? Is this a real question? How about take a shower, or eat or shit. Um, ya, there are lots of things I have to do every day

Do you curse in front of family? I say "fricken" and "darn" quite a lot

If you had to get back with an ex who would it be? Oh Lordy no, none of them ever. Or could it be someone else's ex? Cos then I’d take Orlando, or Julian.

When was the last time you felt truly loved by someone? Every day!

What character trait would you change about yourself? Me, nothing, I am the very picture of perfection. Okay, maybe some humility wouldn’t hurt.

Which of your five senses would you give up if you had to? Smell - I think it would be the easiest to get used to.

What do you do when the power goes out? Play games by candlelight, then when Pudding Pot is sleeping I read by torch.

Would you rather spend the night out or in? Hmm, probably In.

2007-11-09T13:45:00.000+02:00

I just had a heated discussion with a colleague about racism, and the fact that he is one, a racist, I mean.

I am shocked that people like him exist in this world still. It’s always an "us" and "them" thing with people like that and I am so tired of it.

I grew up during Apartheid. It was only abolished when I was 16 years old. The first democratic elections were held on my 18th birthday, and it is the only year I never voted.

I have a vision of "us" and "them" too. But in mine the "us" is those of us who believe in a future for South Africa, for people of all colour. Those of us who teach our children about acceptance and love and kindness. Those of us who have the power to change this country and to make it into something beautiful and free and fair.

"They" are those that diminish the beauty of this country by their viscous words and actions. Them who break the law daily and buy that car radio system out of someone's boot. Them who are so quick to blame ‘the blacks’ for all the badness in the country, when it is those very same people who are creating the DEMAND for SUPPLY, which means my house getting broken into.
Those who hurt, and steal, and abuse. Those who have no place in my world.

I was accused of being a naive liberal who isn’t realistic. Me, who spent R70000-00 on security in her home. Me who drives like a Meerkat. I am not realistic about the state of the country. I know the faults of South Africa, I know how much hatred is seething below the surface, but I have hope. I see the goodness in people.

I see that Ciara has noticed the difference in people. She has noticed that her skin is peach, and her friend at schools skin is brown. And that is it. She sees no class distinction. There is no superior and inferior. She sees nothing more than the only difference, which is on the outside.
I see the hope in that. I see the future in that.

I leave you with the words of Steven Tyler:
"If you can judge a wise man by the colour of his skin, then mister you’re a better man than I".

Entry the Tenth

2007-11-02T12:24:00.001+02:00

I haven't got a lot of time, it has been the busiest week of my life . . . . . . until next week.

I have a few thoughts.

Number One:

This is Henry VIII

Not This

Secondly, what is with cyclists? Why do they insist on using The Worlds Narrowest Road at 7 o'clock in the morning. And I'm not talking about the poor dude whose only means of transport is his rickety old bike, I am talking about them of the 48-speed-super-duper-look-at-my-nifty-little-shorts-that-reveal-my-manpart persuasion. They can go to my nice quiet neighborhood and cycle all they want without the risk of being run down and bleeding to death while disgruntled motorists laugh and point.

I really, really don't get it. They give me road rage. I have bad, bad thoughts sometimes.

And finally - Umm, I have no final thought - to anyone reading - have a fricken fantastic weekend!

Entry the Ninth

2007-10-23T12:59:00.000+02:00

I am a member of one of those dating sites where you get to have fans and favorites. I'm sure that any singles know exactly what I'm talking about.

Anyhoo. I 'meet' this guy on-line, lets call him Richard. Richard and I swap e-mails for a couple of weeks (I ain't no slag). We meet for coffee for a coupla hours, e-mail some more. Things just seem to fizzle after that without any animosity.

One day I am sending a business e-mail to another Richard and I see his name. I send him an e-mail simply saying "Hey, saw your name in my contacts and was just wondering how you are." He replies that he was just thinking about me the other day and is glad that I mailed, because he was going to mail me soon too. Can we get together for dinner soon?

Going well so far, no?

We arrange dinner, and he fetches me from home and we go to an okay restaurant. He isn't feeling well, so it is a fairly quick dinner. He drops me off at home, and all is good.

The next day, fairly late in the day, not stalkerishly 6:30, I SMS him to find out how he is feeling and to say thank you for the dinner.

SIDENOTE : The dinner was not fantastic. We went to a seafood restaurant (I don't eat seafood) and the service was very slow and the place was TOO dark, noisy and crowded. The conversation was "first-date" strained. But it didn't totally suck, and he seemed like a really nice guy.

And what do I hear after that? Nada, Nothing, Zip, Zilch.

But no, that is not the end of the story.

After this episode I hide my profile from view. My subscription has expired, I wasn't really into any of the conversations I was having, and maybe my feelings were a tiny little bit hurt.

A few months later, I vow - I am going to try this thing one more time. One more three month subscription and then I am done. Never to try Internet dating again. So I make some edits (my picture remains exactly the same though) and resubscribe.

One day, while checking out who has added me to their favorites, who do I see is a FAN of mine - Richard (who will now just be referred to as Dick).

WTF??

This is the message I composed, but never sent:

Dear Dick,
Thank you for adding me to your list of favorites. Clearly you think I must be SO desperate that I did not notice that you chose to treat me with utter disregard. It is your prerogative to not be interested. I am fully aware of that sometimes guys are "just not that into me". I get it, I really do. Perhaps I was just a little hurt at the way you treated me, but I assure you, it took me 5.5 seconds to get over that.
But who the fuck do you think you are to even add me to your favorites? Do you think you have the right to go around acting like a first-grade prick and expect people not to notice? Seriously, who does that?
Perhaps you realised that the 21 year old blond was really only after your money? Or that the 19 year old who "just wants to party, and have fun" is a total piscat who will shag the first guy who buys her a drink.
That perhaps that I am one of the 5 real woman on this site, who isn't after anything more than your company?
Just like it is your prerogative to not be interested, it is my prerogative to tell you to fuck off. I am no longer interested. You had your chance, you blew it. Deal with it.

I am no longer a member of that site. And my Internet dating days are done. I just can't get that into it.

This is a seriously long entry, so I am going to leave you with this one last question:

WTF?

Entry the Eighth - All I want for Christmas . . .

2007-10-15T16:06:00.000+02:00

Being in the position of not needing a man. Financially, emotionally or physically. I, however, wouldn’t mind having someone around to be my plus 1, or to argue with me about which super hero would win in a battle of super heroes.

So seeing as I can afford to be a little picky, I have compiled a list of non-negotiables.

Ciara will always come first. Always. I am not a perfect parent, and she is not a perfect child. Disagreements or ‘problems’ will be brought to my attention and discussed in a calm and tactful way. There will be no accusing, insinuation or demanding. If that happens - the door is the long rectangular thing with the handle - See Ya!

Looks are less important than personality. Although there must be a mutual physical attraction. I am no super model, but I expect you to be. Har Har just kidding. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

You must have a personality. An identity free of peer pressure or work commitments or what your mom says. I expect you to state your beliefs with strength. However, things change, especially one’s perspective. Be prepared to listen to differing opinions and often agree to disagree. Your opinion is not the only opinion.

You must be at least as intelligent as me. I don’t plan to dumb myself down ever again. I don’t do it for Ciara, so don’t expect me to do it for you. I am reasonably intelligent, although somewhat of a absent minded dork :-)

You may not take yourself uber seriously. I am the worst "laugh at others" person - ever (if it’s funny I mean.) I laugh just as heartily at myself - often. If I laugh at you, don't be offended. Take it in the lighthearted way it was intended. A kick-ass sense of humour is a total must. I don’t do serious and brooding very well.

I don’t do the whole cooking and cleaning thing. That is why they have Woolies and Sara. So that I don’t have to do it. If you are looking for someone to be your housekeeper / nanny / personal cook / general dogsbody, I am not your girl.

Buying me flowers or gifts when it is not my birthday or Christmas makes me feel weird. I don’t like it - don’t do it.

I don’t do the whole "Romantic Night Out". Lets just grab some burgers and spend the night shaking our booties*. That's a lot more fun, really.

I don’t hint, insinuate or try to make you guess when something is bothering me. Don’t do it to me.

Technically minded is a preference, but not a must. I don’t get artsy-fartsy, so I don’t see much in the way of general conversation. But whatever.

Well, that's it. Not to much to ask for. Surely there is someone out there for me?

* This can mean whatever you want it to, baby!

Entry the Seventh

2007-10-09T10:46:00.000+02:00

I had a very interesting weekend past. I say ‘interesting’ instead of ‘bloody awful’, because I like to think of each thing that happens in my life as a learning curve instead of a ‘disaster’.

So, Sunday comes around and I decide that maybe I should assemble the lawnmower in my garage so that we can finally put away the panga’s we have been using to travel from one end of the garden to the other, and maybe find that dog that has been missing for a few days.

I open the box to be pleasantly surprised that the only "assembly" required on the actual lawnmower is to lift the handle into an upright position and tighten.

I flex my muscles Johnny Bravo style and bask in the brilliance of me.

Then I see that the plastic-grass-catching-thingie (yes that is the technical term) needs to be assembled. No problem. I mean it is just a plastic-grass-catching-thingie. Right?

Instruction (1) Place both pieces, so that the hooks and screw openings line up.

Yup, okay, but it doesn’t line up. Let me push it a little here. No, still not working. Let me poke here. Fuck that, this is not working. Let me move on.

Instruction (2) Hook the clips into the openings. If this is difficult, use the small end of the spanner provided.

Yeah, now we are talking. A Spanner!

So I push and try to clip. Nothing is working. Ciara - get me a screwdriver. Now using screwdriver to try and push the bloody clips into the hooks.

Bam! I stab myself in the thumb with the screwdriver and start bleeding all over the bloody place. I am using all sorts of interesting and fancy words. My mother pipes up with the useful comment "I was just going to warn you that that might happen." Well thanks a bloody lot. I mean, you couldn’t have warned me, say, before I stabbed myself in the frickin thumb?

Long story short (okay, that ship has already sailed), the blood loss must have caused an epiphany.

I suddenly realised how to use the small end of the spanner and got the thing assembled in about 10 minutes after I stopped the blood flow and bandaged myself up.

Footnote : I love my mother very much, and after her helpful statement, she did say things like "That was really sore" and "Are you okay, will you still be able to mow the lawn?".

Entry The Sixth

2007-10-05T15:48:00.000+02:00

I am in a really good mood right now.

Not only becuase I just got an e-mail about how I can make my woman happy happy and cause green jelousy in all the chaps with my new extra large shlong, but because it is almost time to go home. Which leaves me only 50 working days until I get to go on leave.

I am so happy. Becuase I am so tired. So very, very tired.
(Sound of me weeping softly onto my desk)

Entry the Fifth - To vigilante or not to vigilante

2007-10-01T13:42:00.000+02:00

I love Dexter. No not the weird little kid with a funny accent. The Sunday-night-after-the-eight-o’clock-movie Dexter. He is a cold blooded serial killer, but he is hot, and he only kills bad guys. And he always gets it right. Always.

What I would like to say about Vigilantism is "Yay for them." But I am not an impulsive kind of girl. I am not the type to look only at one dimension of anything.

To fully express my view on vigilantism I would have to write a long, long, long blog. Because it is complicated. But let me break it down as much as I can.

I could never do it. I truly don’t think that I have the capacity in me to murder, no matter what evil thing they had done.
I would like to think that I could protect myself, and my family to the point where I could take someone else’s life. But I have never been in that position. I have never experienced that level of fear.

The biggest problem with vigilantism is that mistakes can be made. Innocent people can be harmed, or killed.
It’s all good and well to Cheer every time a vigilante puts a drug dealer or child rapist in his grave.
But what if they get it wrong, what if it is your child or brother or sister who is incorrectly gunned down? What if they make a mistake and it affects you? Directly? In you home, where it hurts the most?
Sadly, with a mostly ineffectual policing system, as we have in SA, vigilantism is rife, and probably needed.

So, ultimately, what am I for?
I am for a stronger, more armed, more trained, better paid, better equipped, larger, more involved police force so that vigilantism wouldn’t be necessary.

Entry the Fourth

2007-10-01T08:19:00.000+02:00

It finally happened, that question I have been dreading since I brought that little being into the world almost 7 years ago. Ciara suddenly asked me the question. I was, for only a moment, going to lie. But I didn’t, I braved the unknown waters and told the truth, in all its gory ugliness. I told the truth.

We were busy serving the chicken for dinner on Saturday night, and that is when it happened. She looked up at me with her lovely large blue eyes and asked me "Mommy, is that a real chicken?"

I was momentarily flustered, I blushed, I needed time to think, what would I say?

"Do you really want to know the truth?" I said, trying to buy time.

Perplexed that I would even ask such a question, she said "Yes".

"Yes, my angel" I replied, with a hint of sadness in my voice "this is a real chicken."

Her beautiful blue eyes filled with tears. "But mommy" she cried, "there are only a few chickens left in the world"(1).

I smiled the reassuring smile of a mother and said "No, my sweet angel, there are millions of chickens in the world, and it really is okay if we eat them. That is why God put them here on the planet. To lay eggs and for us to eat."

She wiped her tears away, and said "Okay mom." She sniffed, and then shifted gears so fast I was almost knocked over. "You know what? When we were in the butchery the other day, guess what I saw on the floor - CHICKEN BLOOD."

Oh, I how I am looking forward to the "Where does beef come from?" question.

(1) We watch Animal Planet quite a lot.

Entry the Third

2007-09-18T16:45:00.000+02:00

You know, 99.9% of the time I enjoy having my mom live in the flat behind my house. My mom rocks. She is probably the coolest 66 year old ever, and she always has my back.

The other 0.1% involves coke. The drinking type, not the snorting type.

I buy coke, I leave it in the fridge. And on the exact day I am dying for a tall glass of sugary goodness, I will get home to be confronted by an almost empty two litre bottle of coke. Not an empty bottle, no, because if it were empty, she would have finished the coke. But if it has a teaspoon left, its not, technically, finished.

Now, take my word for it. Having a teaspoon of (flat) coke is not equal to the experience I had been fantasizing about all day.

footnote : How sad my sex life obviously is, if I have been fantisizing about coke all day.

Entry The Second

2007-09-11T16:06:00.000+02:00

I've deleted this post.
It was insensitive and directed at one particular person I work with.

Hindsight is 20/20.

Entry The First

2007-09-10T16:10:00.000+02:00

I have been given a mission. A quest if you will.
My good friend has embarked on a campaign to revive a long lost word.
While some would argue that the word is long, and lost for a good reason. Others would say it is a simply marvelous word, and must be used at all occasions whether appropriate or not.
The word, ladies and gentleman is "Hullabaloo". Yes. Feel how gently it rolls of the tongue.
For those less knowledgeable than myself and my supremely knowledgeable friend, the definition of hullabaloo is a great noise or disturbance.
An example of one of the many wonderful places you can use the word hullabaloo.
. . .At the next rugby game you attend wearing your cargo short pant and "lions" T-shirt. Enter the box and exclaim, "My good man, what is all the hullabaloo".
When you have recovered from the extensive surgery caused by the beating you took, when the drunk dutchman thought you were swearing at him, you will have a good story about the time you caused such a hullabaloo . . .

Enjoy your experience of using new and ever exciting new words and expressions.