Week 1 : The beginning of the Journey

66.9 k'gs.
That's not too bad.
It puts my BMI at about average.  But I think that BMI's are rubbish anyway.  And it's all about how one feels about themselves.

My run last night changed into a jog before I even got home from work!!  I took off on my jog which very quickly became a brisk walk, which then stayed as such.  Did not swim as I just did a "test run" on my own last night to see how the timing worked out.

Weather permitting we will jog and swim tonight.  Alternatively (if it rains) I'll just cycle on my stationery bike for about 10km's.

Loved it though.  I'm a big fan of feeling good, and I sure did last night and am still feeling so today.

Update, Monday 23rd.

Losing weight - the hard way

It's been nearly a year since I last blogged.
That's a bit awkward.
So, um, ya . . .
Moving swiftly on.

Since I hit 30 I've had a bit of a battle with my weight. I am by no means overweight, but simply not happy with the weight I am. It has nothing to do with BMI or ODI's or any other acronym. I simply do not fit into my clothes too well anymore. I also HATE my flabby belly. HATE IT.

So, last year I lost some weight by simply cutting out the sugary snacking (I love snacking - LOVE IT.) But I was still smoking then, so it was easy to replace the sweets with cigarettes.

I have since quit that filthy habit, and resumed the sugary snacking, and subsequently gained back the weight.

I don't currently know how much I used to weigh, how much weight I lost or how much I now weigh, but I feel it in my clothes!

So, I've been sincerely hoping not to gain all the weight back, but that did not work (just an FYI for anyone trying to lose weight - hope and prayer aren't enough, who knew?)

So my weakness for sugary snacks, plus my desire not to have to buy bigger pants (God help me) has led to only one conclusion . . . . I have to start exercising.
My biggest problem is that there are simply not enough hours in the day. I work from 7:30am to 5:00 pm, and often do not have time for a lunch break. I already get up at 5:00am on school days so there is simply no time before work. I have to get home to my Ciara after work, and I don't have enough time in the evenings to actually go to a gym. I do have time to exercise though.
Ciara and I are going to start running when I get home. From today. Eeek. I haven't run since high school. Eventually we will run and swim (in the indoor pool), but I don't think I am even going to make it to the pool (which is 1km from my house) today, or even this week in our allotted 45 mins. Eventually I want to be able to do the 1km run in about 10 minutes or less hopefully, so we have 20 minutes to swim as well.

I'm going to document weight loss (if any) with this endeavour. Not daily. That would be dumb. But weekly. Every Monday. After naughty, snacking, sugary weekends. Hopefully if I see it in writing I will stick to it / quit snacking (did I mention I LOVE snacking?).

I've also (from today) decided that I can no longer shove food into my face all day at work. Crises, I feel like I'm eating ALL THE TIME. So I had a small bunch of grapes, an apple, a nectarine and a peach to eat today, as well as my small bowl of Cheerios this morning. That's a decent amount of food, hey?

Okay, so since I did not weigh myself this morning, I will do it tonight before the run and post tomorrow.

Hopefully I do not perish tonight!!!

You just have to love . . .

. . . the way my technologically challenged boss thinks that if you get an e-mail address almost right, it's fine, it will magically find it's way to the right person.

Awesome.

Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you badly.

I do know that people have treated me badly in my life, but I've honestly forgotten most of it.

One thing that really changed my life though was my experience with "The Church" and "Christians".

I'll start off with a little disclaimer that I am a Christian and I worship God/Jesus and I believe that I am exponentially blessed. My experience with the Lord is personal, it's mine and I really don't feel like I have to justify it to anyone. But the worst experience I have ever had in my life has been with so called Christians. The type of "Christians" who only use the bible to sprout hate and intolerance. I won't go any further into this, as anyone who happens to read this will know of whom I speak.

When I fell pregnant with Ciara (out of wedlock), it was not planned. I was scared, and overwhelmed. When Ciara was born, I was told that I had to apologise to God or both she and I would go to hell.

My relationship with organised religion was tenuous at best at that time, and that was the straw that broke the camels back. Fuck 'em. I will NEVER apologise to ANYONE for the best thing that has ever happened to me.

I am still a Christian and I still love God, but I think that these people are the reason for the shortest sentence in the bible.

"Jesus Wept".

Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living

Um, Ciara again. I'm starting to think that she is just going to be the answer to all the questions!! It's not that life was not worth living before she came along. But she is truly my greatest mistake.

I have loved people in my life, some more than others, but I have never felt the kind of all encompassing, completing, true, unconditional love that I have for that child.

She is everything to me.

Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.

Lose Ciara, nuff said.

Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life

I never actually realised how hard it would be to answer these questions!

At the risk of sounding cliched, I really just hope to always be happy.

I hope that my daughter grows up to be a good person. I hope that South Africa pulls itself together. I hope that my friends and family are all healthy and safe, and that I don't ever lose anyone close to me.

That would keep me happy.

Why

So sometimes I pick up the bosses telephone extension, like when he is on his cell phone.
I then take a message and ask the caller "Where are you calling from?" I invariably get a suburb as an answer.

Really!?!?!? Are you calling on behalf of an entire suburb of Gauteng or the surrounding regions? What makes you think I have any interest in what suburb you are currently in? Since you are calling a business, on what I assume is a business call, would it not make FAR more sense to tell me what company you are calling from? And if it's a private call, simply say "It's a private call."

Sometimes when I make private calls I say, Hi this is Kerryn from Company X. Then I laugh and say "I guess you didn't really need to know that since it isn't relevant, ha, ha".

I must learn to be more specific and ask "From which company are you calling?"

Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.

Erm, well yeah.

Hmmmmmmmmm, I think I've done all the forgiving I'm going to do about the past. I don't like to hold on to painful things, so I do tend to 'forgive' and let stuff go. The most difficult (by far) is forgiving my dad.

My mom left when I was only four, so I don't really remember having a dad in my life. And he never really made an effort to be an awesome dad. I love my dad, and I'm sure that he loves me. But we don't have anything in common, and he's really not all that interested in my life. I've let it go for the most part, but I'd be a liar if I said it didn't still hurt sometimes.
As a kid it wasn't my responsibility to form a relationship with him, and as an adult I've not really made any efforts, after all how do you make someone want a real relationship with you?

I see people around me with really spectacular relationships with their dads, and I'm very envious, and a little sad that I never had that.

I don't think that I can forgive him any further. I've forgiven as far as I am capable of doing. I've let go of the hurt as much as I can let go of the hurt. What's left just has to be dealt with *shrug*

Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.

Hmmm, I don't generally hold grudges against anyone, least of all myself. I've pretty much forgiven myself for all the stupid shit I've ever done (and there was quite a lot :-)).

I suppose it would have to be for ending the relationship between Ciara's dad and myself. Don't get me wrong, I know I made the right decision for both Ciara and I, but when she started asking me questions about why we weren't together it really did make me feel quite guilty.

At the end of the day, it's all worked out for the best, but I suppose I still have a little residual guilt left over.




on another note altogether, I'm doing much better at this than I had initially envisaged. Every second or third day is WAY better than once or twice a month.