It's all over for me

On Friday night I had the unpleasant experience of spending time with The Woman Who Knows Everything (TWWKE or Tweekie).

The discussion rolled around to someone’s sister who is 21 and not interested in getting married. Not surprisingly, Tweekies advise to this young woman was "Get a man and get married before you are 30, because after that it is too late!"

Seriously. She said that. With unmarried, 31 year old me sitting not four feet away from her.
So alas, my friends, it is too late for me. I am useless, destined to be on the shelf forever, passed my sell-by date. I may as well leave this cruel world, no man will ever want me (weep weep!)

And to all you young ‘uns out there. Please, for the love of all that is good, find a man NOW. Marry him IMMEDIATELY. Use threats, use force, just please, get him to agree to marry you. It does not matter whether you love him or not. It does not matter if you are happy or not. It only matters that you are married before you are 30!

You might end up like me if you don’t. Financially, emotionally and physically independent. Home Owner. Car Owner.


Only 24 working hours left. 1440 minutes. 86400 seconds.

A fricken long one

I truly haven’t written a word of substance for my blog in ages! I don’t care. I am tired beyond belief, and would like to know who the hell thought it was a good idea for me to STILL be working on the 5th of December, seriously . . . .

I have a little rant about a headline I saw somewhere. I don’t know where it was, and I never actually read the article, so my rant could be totally baseless, but whatever.

"BE A GODDESS IN THE KITCHEN THIS CHRISTMAS" or something equally ridiculous.

1. I can think of maybe a billion places I would like to be on Christmas day, and honestly, the kitchen is not one of them. Who in their right mind wants to spend Christmas day in the kitchen? Anyone?
   
2. I am a fricken goddess and don’t need to be in the kitchen cooking like a slave to prove it. I am taking my small family out to a really expensive restaurant, and paying for it all with the money I earned being a fricken goddess every day.
   

END OF PART ONE

In a completely unrelated matter, I saw an interesting blog entry by someone who I have never read before, don’t remember and will probably never read again. It was something about writing a letter to your 13 year old self, so here goes :

Dear Kerryn,

This is you 18 years later. Weird? Yes. Get over it. Let me tell you a thing or two about how you are going to screw up your life over the next couple of years . . .

To start off with don’t start clubbing and drinking at 14. It ain't worth it.

About the boys. STAY AWAY FROM THEM. M, A and I are all HUGE mistakes. These three boys will take away 16 to 21, and you will never get those years back. Sixteen is too young to be in a serious relationship. Just Say No!

I know you hate Science, but do not drop this subject in Std 8. You will need it, and be 25 and regret not taking it. The decision to not go to university is not a good one. Go and study Mechanical Engineering. You will love it, trust me.
On that same note, FFS study in Std. 9 and 10. Do not coast by. Put your whole self into it and walk away with something to be proud of damnit!

Seek out F. He is an asshole, but you will fall pregnant with a beautiful baby girl. Dump him as soon as you find out you are pregnant. It’s pretty scary to do it alone, but you will manage.

Forgive mom as soon as you can. You will eventually forgive her, but the pain you will go through getting there will not be fun. Understand her, accept her, forgive her and love her. It may not always seem like it, but she truly loves you beyond belief. She will be there for you in the years to come in ways you could never even imagine right now. She totally rocks as a gran, and you couldn’t be who you are without her.

I know you are not confident or self assured right now. I know being a teenager is scary and everything seems so daunting. You are worth so much more than you think right now. Realise TODAY, and not in 15 years that you are an intelligent, beautiful, kind, compassionate soul. Never doubt that. Not for one single day.

When Ciara is reciting nursery rhymes at 18 months, record it, cos no-one will believe you. She is a genius, by the way (as if you would doubt it.)

Take the friends you have right now, Gill, Jules, Kim, Linds, Mandy, Son and Tracy and treasure them every day. You will still be friends with all these people in 20 years, 30, 40, 50. They are the truth. They are what friends are supposed to be about!

Spend more time with Gary. Speak more with him. Be more with him. Don’t ask why, just do it.

So that's it kiddo. Good luck.

Ps. Keep an eye out for something called ‘Google’. Buy as much stock as you can, as soon as you can!

END OF PART TWO

69 more hours to go . . . .4140 minutes . . . . .248400 seconds

END

And counting . . .

I officially have 85.5 more hours of work left until I go on LEAVE.
That's 5130 minutes.
307800 seconds, no 307790, not 307780 . . . . .

Obviously, I can't wait. I seriously need a holiday.